you should've been there

(Source: againsthesun, via foodismyonlyfriend)

(via foodismyonlyfriend)

This my dear chum and chumettes, is called my genius when it comes to lasertag. Everything must be foxy because i am both that ANDDDDD a lady :D

surfdog2000:

magnoliapearl:

hospitalvespers:

legendofaconsultinghoneybadger:

raging-raichel:

hoodly:

catbountry:

uninstallwizard:

misslizbian:

Some of the worst analogies written by high school students.

more like best analogies

I really do love these analogies.

My aunt, a literature teacher, printed these out and showed them to me years ago. So why am I only laughing this hard now oh my god these are the best

Actually struggling not to laugh in the middle of my English class becaUSE THAT LAST ONE OH MY CHRIST.

I’m actually crying and I can’t tell if it’s from laughter or from my disappointment in the future of academia. 

idk what it says about my taste in literature that i wouldn’t be surprised if at least one of these was used in something i would read and enjoy

i actually think every single one of these is a really good analogy and an example of strong, funny writing. i think the second and ninth are my favorites. 

seriously, this shit is witty, stop hatin’

(via i-am-the-sexy-guy-that)

lacklustin:

siemari:

mishalmoorebloggyblog:

As seen on Facebook. (posted by Homestead Survival)

A sweet lesson on patience. 

A NYC Taxi driver wrote:

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. ‘Just a minute’, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90’s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940’s movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard
box filled with photos and glassware.

‘Would you carry my bag out to the car?’ she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. ‘It’s nothing’, I told her.. ‘I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.’

‘Oh, you’re such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, ‘Could you drive
through downtown?’

‘It’s not the shortest way,’ I answered quickly..

‘Oh, I don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. ‘I don’t have any family left,’ she continued in a soft voice..’The doctor says I don’t have very long.’ I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

‘What route would you like me to take?’ I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, ‘I’m tired.Let’s go now’.
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.
They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

‘How much do I owe you?’ She asked, reaching into her purse.

‘Nothing,’ I said

‘You have to make a living,’ she answered.

‘There are other passengers,’ I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.She held onto me tightly.

‘You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut.It was the sound of the closing of a life..

I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk.What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

And then I felt everything all at once.

reblogging because this is beautiful

(via i-am-the-sexy-guy-that)

thatfunnyblog:

Wanna LAUGH OUT LOUD?! Follow this blog.

(Source: manyfacedgod)

flclgur:

companionlvl9001:

damnithasook:

masterarrowhead:

LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS

TO DEFEAT AMON

DID THEY SEND ME EQUALISTS

WHEN I ASKED FOR NONE

YOU’RE THE SADDEST CHICK I’VE EVER MET

BUT YOU CAN BET

BEFORE WE’RE THROUGH

MISSY I’LL

MAKE AN AVATAR

OUT OF YOU.

I simply cannot skip this reblogging opportunity.

TRANQUIL AS THE WATER

BUT A FIRE WITHIN

ONCE YOU FIND YOUR CENTER

YOU ARE SURE TO WIN

YOU’RE A SASSY GIRL

WITH A SMART MOUTH

AND YOU HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE

SOMEHOW I’LL MAKE AN AVATAR

OUT OF YOU.

(Source: legendofkorraholyshit, via that-filipino-kid)

(Source: thefrogman, via beautyandthebreasts)

wowfunniestposts:

oh my god

lol wot

this blog is epic

(Source: , via wowfunniestposts)

i-am-the-sexy-guy-that:

lolsomeone-actually:

funniest-out:

did you try turning it off and on

have you tried rebooting it ?

I think you need to just hit it a little in the back and it should start up again

Have you tried pressing the top button and the home button?

(Source: kelvinween)

imjustkyian:

(Source: thefireisrising, via fuckingfunny)